James Del, LTD

tallwhitney:

Good GOD do I love a good pun.

I’d like to take this moment to issue a sternly worded assault on Time Warner Cable and the MSG Network. Please bear with.
Dear Time Warner & MSG,
Go fuck yourselves. I know, harsh open. Especially considering you’re just big dumb corporate entities looking to satiate stockholders and advertisers, and that’s not your fault. By your very nature you were designed to fuck consumers, because fucking consumers is one of the easiest ways to make money if you’re a big corporate behemoth like yourselves. But for once, I ask that you take a moment and think about what it is you’re doing to the people who rely on you. Because of your hunger for profits, I’ve had to cheer on my childhood team—a team that was unwatchable (irony!) from 2001 until last week—from afar. Newspapers, blogs, Youtube clips, and that one time TNT was broadcasting the game…that’s all I know of this Lin character. One time, the Knicks were listed as being on the NBA Network on the channel guide. Oh! How exciting that day was! Until I tried to watch the game, and instead was met with a blackout notice. A FUCKING BLACKOUT NOTICE FOR THE NEW YORK KNICKERBOCKERS.
This is simply unacceptable. I care far too much, and already pay more money for cable than I pay for my cellphone and my electricity (two things I need about 1000x more than I need cable). But frankly, at this point I could give two shits. I know that at the end of this thing, I’m going to be the one who gets screwed. Time Warner claims they’re negotiating for me, so that I don’t have to pay a higher cable bill. Well guess what, asshats? You already charge me around $170 a month. Tacking on another $4 to that is not going to break my heart. And MSG…oh, MSG. You’re not free from blame here either. You know you’re asking for more money than ESPN? Did you? I bet you did. I bet you also know that your programming beyond Knicks and Rangers games is abysmal, except when you play that movie about Meatloaf (starring Meatloaf) or that Foo Fighters concert. Other than that…?
Oh yes, you provide me access to Lin now. So you know what? Charge whatever the hell you’d like. I don’t care anymore. Like many of the other 2 million people in this city who haven’t had the pleasure of seeing Lin win a game, I am now a shell of a person. Even if service is restored tonight, I will forever associate Lin’s meteoric rise with not being able to watch a single fucking game. You know what I did the other night? I watched the Utah Jazz play the LA Clippers. That’s how low I’ve sunk. You have won, corporations, so please just go ahead and fuck me however hard you’d like. My eyes have that glazed, empty void that’s only seen in strip clubs and war zones, so just do whatever it is you’re going to do with me and let’s be done with it.
Just please let me watch Lin.
Warmly,JD

Good GOD do I love a good pun.

I’d like to take this moment to issue a sternly worded assault on Time Warner Cable and the MSG Network. Please bear with.

Dear Time Warner & MSG,

Go fuck yourselves. I know, harsh open. Especially considering you’re just big dumb corporate entities looking to satiate stockholders and advertisers, and that’s not your fault. By your very nature you were designed to fuck consumers, because fucking consumers is one of the easiest ways to make money if you’re a big corporate behemoth like yourselves. But for once, I ask that you take a moment and think about what it is you’re doing to the people who rely on you. Because of your hunger for profits, I’ve had to cheer on my childhood team—a team that was unwatchable (irony!) from 2001 until last week—from afar. Newspapers, blogs, Youtube clips, and that one time TNT was broadcasting the game…that’s all I know of this Lin character. One time, the Knicks were listed as being on the NBA Network on the channel guide. Oh! How exciting that day was! Until I tried to watch the game, and instead was met with a blackout notice. A FUCKING BLACKOUT NOTICE FOR THE NEW YORK KNICKERBOCKERS.

This is simply unacceptable. I care far too much, and already pay more money for cable than I pay for my cellphone and my electricity (two things I need about 1000x more than I need cable). But frankly, at this point I could give two shits. I know that at the end of this thing, I’m going to be the one who gets screwed. Time Warner claims they’re negotiating for me, so that I don’t have to pay a higher cable bill. Well guess what, asshats? You already charge me around $170 a month. Tacking on another $4 to that is not going to break my heart. And MSG…oh, MSG. You’re not free from blame here either. You know you’re asking for more money than ESPN? Did you? I bet you did. I bet you also know that your programming beyond Knicks and Rangers games is abysmal, except when you play that movie about Meatloaf (starring Meatloaf) or that Foo Fighters concert. Other than that…?

Oh yes, you provide me access to Lin now. So you know what? Charge whatever the hell you’d like. I don’t care anymore. Like many of the other 2 million people in this city who haven’t had the pleasure of seeing Lin win a game, I am now a shell of a person. Even if service is restored tonight, I will forever associate Lin’s meteoric rise with not being able to watch a single fucking game. You know what I did the other night? I watched the Utah Jazz play the LA Clippers. That’s how low I’ve sunk. You have won, corporations, so please just go ahead and fuck me however hard you’d like. My eyes have that glazed, empty void that’s only seen in strip clubs and war zones, so just do whatever it is you’re going to do with me and let’s be done with it.

Just please let me watch Lin.

Warmly,
JD